Is it true that “Moving on” might be the best thing for me?
Believe it or not, there’s a lot of power in letting go and moving on. I know it doesn’t feel like it. I know that at this point, you are focusing on what happened in the past.
You’re thinking that if you were to keep dwelling on what happened, maybe you will be able to figure it out. Maybe with enough contemplation, things would fall into place and you would see the rhyme and reason for the negative things that happened in the past.
Well, let me ask you a question. This is not the first time you’ve thought this way.
In fact, this is probably the thousandth or hundred thousandth time you’ve entertained that idea. What happened with the previous days when you thought this way? How about the day before that?
Now, the truth is, focusing on the past is not going to help you one bit. Life can suck pretty badly. You don’t need a graduate degree to understand that.
Everybody can see this. However, if you are completely honest with yourself, you would also understand that even though bad things happened in the past, your life is not a complete disaster. Sure, you may be frustrated in certain areas of your life. Welcome to the club. Nobody’s immune to this. This is part of the package deal of life.
You have to understand that despite your frustration, and constant disappointment with certain areas of your life, there are better areas. You just need to have a clear map of your life. If you did, then you would quickly realize that it’s not completely bleak. It’s not all black with no bright spots.
In fact, if your life is just like most other people’s lives, there will be lots of dark parts, but there will also be bright spots here and there. Discover these. Understand that these areas of light are areas of hope in your life.
You haven’t completely dropped the ball in those areas. You haven’t completely screwed up. Isn’t that a cause for celebration? Isn’t that something to feel good about?
“Focus on these and move on.” Focus on the fact that you have control over these. Given enough time, your area of control in your life could grow. Believe me, these areas of control cannot grow if you don’t focus on them.
As the old saying goes, “Where your focus goes, energy flows.”
How can you master your life or take full ownership of your life if a lot of your mental attention is sucked up by the things that you cannot control? I’m talking about people in the past. I’m talking about situations in the past. I’m talking about people right now that you cannot control.
The first mindset that crushes personal contentment is the very idea that you must always be in control of all areas of your life.
Now, it doesn’t take much human experience to figure out just how wrong this is. You’ve heard of Murphy’s Law: the worst things happen at the worst time. You probably also know that life is what happens when you have other plans.
Life has its own agenda. It spins on its own axis, regardless of our best laid plans. And unfortunately, the more we choose to believe that we have to be always in control, the less likely we will be happy.
You see, when it comes to life, you have to give it a lot of wiggle room. You can set goals, you can plan ahead, but ultimately, at the end of the day, you have to accept what you get out of the process.
Nine times out of ten, if you take care of things the right way and you put in the best effort, things will pan out roughly the way you want it. It’s not going to be perfect, it’s not going to fit the exact picture that you had when you were planning your goal, but it can come close enough.
Unfortunately, if we believe that we always have to be in control, we rob ourselves of the joy of achievement. We can never quite seem to get there because we feel that we did not control all the variables. We refuse to be happy.
Focus on your area of competency, which is your choice to respond to things going on in your life. This is your area of control. It’s the only area of control, but the good news is the more you focus on it, the more competent and self-confident you become.
This enables you to become a more responsible and powerful person. Focus on these and move on from what you normally waste your time, attention, and emotional energy on.